Ugh and Blah

30 Jul

I am so ready to feel “normal” again.

Actually, I don’t even really know what that means. But physically and mentally and emotionally, I would just like to feel normal.

I thought it would be fun and okay to start drinking again after what happened. But only for the 11 days leading up to my bff’s wedding, then I would go back to my no alcohol policy. After 107 days of being sober, I thought it would be fine. I will admit that for a time it took my mind off being depressed about my situation, but in the end it doesn’t help anything one bit.

One of the main reasons (among many, and trust me, there are many) I stopped drinking in the first place was because it messed with my anxiety too much. Sure, if I had a glass or 2 of wine it would take the edge off my panic but once that’s gone it would just come right back, worse than before. Then it’s just a vicious cycle.

Dumb idea, but I knew what I was doing. I can only blame myself. Now after 2 months of not having to take my Xanax, I’ve had to take a couple; and I’m blaming 90% of that on the alcohol.

So yah, normal, wherever you are- COME BACK!!

2 Responses to “Ugh and Blah”

  1. lifesbetterthemilkyway July 31, 2012 at 11:30 am #

    I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time right now. I’ve been thinking about you this past week. Hang in there, you’ll get there again! HUGS!

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